Mets Defeat the Rockies 6-1!

The Glorious New York Metropolitans displayed their awe inspiring offensive potency by dispatching the Colorado Rockies 6-1. Jamie Maine owned the Colorado batters, giving up one earned run and fanning five as he continued displaying his power as a starting pitcher. Maine is now 3-0 on the season.

Maine struck out Clint Barmes three times. Barmes will now wear a badge on his uniform that clearly shows that Maine has paternal status over him. Carlos Delgado awakened from his early season slumber to homer for the first time this season, and Jose Valentin shook off the rumors of age and arthritis to boom a three run homer. Valentin finished with four RBIs and the the AARP Player of the Night award. He thanked his supporters in the geriatric set and disappeared into the clubhouse for a rubdown and a nap shortly afterwards. The Mets announced that they would be installing rocking chairs for Valentin and Julio Franco. Age appropriate, indeed...David Wright always remembers to use sir after yes and no with those two.

Let us not forget the crooked legged stance of Mighty Moises Alou, who is hitting an astonishing .397 on the season thus far. The Mighty Moises went three for three with two runs and a walk. When you see his batting stance and hear his stats announced simultaneously, credulity is strained severely. And then he spanks the ball around the park and gets on base. Afterwards, Moises glared at media personnel who got too close. Hey, the man needs his personal space...he's a professional, and he's working here!

Ambiorix Burgos came on in relief to fan Clint Barmes, who announced that he would be heading to a tattoo parlor to get the word "owned" on his bicep in Old English script. Burgos ceased the brutality for a moment to tease the Rockies with possibility, walking three, and then ending the illusion by getting Garrett Atkins to foul a pop up which would end the game. Ambiorix...is that Cajun? I garahntee!

In my note of dubious distinction, David Wright gets the Limp Bat award. His hitless streak continues. He went 0-3, striking out twice. He is currently 0 for his last 15 at bats after having a 26 game hitting streak that stirred my soul. His inauspicious start to the season continues...no homers and a piddling four RBIs. Somebody get his brothers to visit! Actually, Omar Minaya is seriously considering getting Franco and Valentin to give Wright a stern talking to if he doesn't straighten up. Willie Randolph sat him in the corner after Sunday's game, but judging by tonight's performance, it didn't do the trick.

Steve Finley gets the Bandido Supremo Award for robbing Carlos Delgado of a two run homer in the fifth with a catch that defied gravity. He crashed to earth like Icarus upon seeing the final score. His feathers melted because he got too close to the lights. It happens.

That wraps up tonight's recap of the action that is the Mets. We hope you enjoy, and all complaints should be directed to a mirror.

Go Mets. Yay.